In this stressful time, my son is just pure joy to me. (Yes, he is still a stubborn, whiny 4yo, but, right now I wouldn't trade that for anything.)
Some recent Nateyism's:
1. We have been listening to a cd of old 8-track songs lately and one of his favorites is "Play that funky music, white boy". Well, he was strolling through the house, singing this song, loud and proud - with one minor, glaring exception (yes, i know that would be an oxymoron). It had become "Play that fuckin' music, wabboy". Yeah. Uh-huh. Soooooo....... Anyway, I have to stop him and explain that it is "Fun-ky" and only getting a glazed look in response. I then found myself in the surreal experience of getting out a notepad and spelling out "f-u-c-k-i-n-g" and "f-u-n-k-y" and explaing the differences to a 4 year old boy. (The main difference being a "N" and not "C".) Yeah. Right. K. So, now I have a 4yo boy that sings it "Play that Fun Key music, wabboy", about one beat off.
2. At soccer practice, the other day, one of the little girls on the team kicked a goal and all us parents were yelling and cheering. Nathan stops in the middle of the field and yells at me, "YOU ONLY YELL FOR NATHAN!" at the top of his lungs. At this point the ground is sinking below me as one of "those" momma moments happen. The mom next to me leans over and says, "Only kid, huh?" and I say, "yeah" as I am giving my son the evil eye and motioning for him to get his ass over to me right that very second - which he does while dragging his feet slowly across the field. After the stern "this is a team, you cheer for everyone, blah, blah, blah" speech - he is back playing again -telling the coach that he wants to be "it". And finally the mom's around me lose it and just bust out laughing - myself included.
3. Natey hasn't really watched any of the coverage of the WTC attacks, so I have tried to keep things simple when explaing some things to him.
Where we live, there is a church at the entrance to the addition. Last Tuesday night, the parking lot was full for a prayer service and Nate asked why all the cars were there. I told him that alot of people had gotten hurt that day and that people were in there praying - just like he does as daycare. He said, "before we eat" and I said, "That's right. Thanking God for what he has given you". And he seemed to understand that and didn't ask any more questions.
When Friday came around and we were getting ready to go outside for the candlelight vigil, I told him we were going outside to pray and have a moment of silence to think about all of the people that got hurt on Tuesday. And with three little words, it was like he was a very wise old man, "Did they die?" I told him, very simply, that yes, alot of them had and we should go outside with our candles and think about them for a little bit. Very proudly and carefully he carried his candle out to the driveway, where we sat down and he said he wanted to say a prayer - which turned out to be the blessing before eating - something like "Jesus is our guest and our food is blessed". But he said it so sweetly and solemnly that it was as good as any eulugy I had ever heard.
The next night, I was letting him watch a bit of tv in his room while going to bed, since he didn't have to get up for school the next day. Instead of clicking 5 and 2 for the Cartoon Network, he clicked 4 and 2, which gave him MSNBC and their news coverage. Luckily, by this time, the networks had stopped the contact replaying of the planes actually hitting the buildings, and were just showing an almost static picture of a dump truck full of debris. When I sat down on the edge of the bed, Natey said he wanted to watch this for a minute and I said, "....okay". He said, very matter of factly, "I think there are people in there", pointing at the truck. Not wanting to lie to my child, I said, "You might be right, baby". And I asked him if he wanted to sit down and ask me anything about what was on tv. He said no and that he just wanted to watch it for a second. After just a bit of watching in silence, he said, "Okay, momma, I am ready to watch 'toons now" and put it on 52 and climbed in to bed and said "I love you, momma".
It was so hard to walk out of that room that night, because all I wanted to do was crawl in that bed with him and not let him out of my sight again. But I have to, I have to keep going on with my life as if everything is normal, for his sake, even though somethings will not be the same again - and at his age, everything for him from now on, will be normal - the way it has always been. He won't remember what it was like before last Tuesday, and in someways, that might just be a good thing.